WAKE UP AND SMELL THE ROSES: WEEK 7
Here for the right reasons.
HUMORENTERTAINMENT
Ryan Leatham
2/27/20243 min read
Give Maria one reason to stay and she’ll turn right back around.
Week 7 of The Bachelor delivered on its star power and began with Daisy who got a coveted second one-on-one with Joey, because of horse she did. They rode their trusty steeds through Canada’s Jasper Park right to their producer-planted hot tub. Classic. With hometowns next week there was a lot on the line, and Daisy put it all out there. We learned that she is not in fact in love with Joey but “could see herself getting to that point”. A little scrambled by this Joey responded by PITCHING HIMSELF to Daisy. That’s right, the roles have been reversed. Daisy is the Bachelor now. She received a rose, but really it was Joey who passed the test.
Next, we had a group date consisting of Rachel, Kelsey A, Jenn, Kelsey T, and Maria. Their task was to become the Ultimate Lumberjill. You know, log rolling, log flipping, log sawing, elk milk chugging, typical falling in love stuff. Maria wanted Joey all to herself and was clearly struggling with the idea of introducing someone to her family who wasn’t exclusively hers. Jenn stole Joey away for a few seconds and stole a kiss to top it off, or rub it in from Maria’s perspective.
That night Maria told Joey that “she couldn’t do this anymore” and that she wasn’t comfortable with the idea of Joey having strong connections with other women. Joey was surprised by this, but also seemed frustrated. Maria left the room for a minute and returned to apologize and assure Joey she wanted to be there. This was like every toxic relationship fight you’ve ever experienced wrapped up in a 6mg Zyn and shot straight into Joey’s central nervous system. You could see the anxiety in his face, the fight or flight adrenaline pulsing through his veins. He was too shook up to give anyone the group date rose and the evening ended on a strange note. More to come here.
The next day it was Kelsey A. that received her second one-on-one. She and Joey participated in a polar plunge along with a group of local Jaspites before jumping into their producer-planted Wayfair type beat sauna! At dinner Kelsey A. shared with Joey how important her dad is to her and how he stepped up for their family after her mother’s passing. Joey gave Kelsey A. a rose, and at this point she seems like a contender for a 2nd place finish. There’s not much between them, but she’s safe.
We did not get a cocktail party and it seemed as if Joey's mind was already made up. However, at the rose ceremony Joey asked to chat with Maria. He asked her if she wanted to be here, and she said yes. We’re just not sure Joey really believed it. Ultimately we lost Kelsey T. (predictable) and Jenn (less so) at the rose ceremony.
Rose Recap
We correctly predicted three out of the four roses given out by Joey (Daisy, Maria, Rachel), we did not expect Kelsey A. to receive a rose over Jenn.
Season Accuracy: 91.7% 🔮(44/48)
Rose Rankings
1. Daisy
2. Kelsey A 📈
3. Maria
4. Rachel
Slow and steady wins the race, to Joey’s heart
One thing is clear, and it is that Joey values security. Three out of the four girls remaining offer it. Sadly, Maria does not. At least not for Joey. She is a roller coaster, the sickest roller coaster ever. Joey wants to ride (we expect Maria to make it to fantasy suites), but he’s more of a ferris wheel kind of guy. Daisy is that ferris wheel, consistent in the ups and downs and minus the whiplash.
