WAKE UP AND SMELL THE ROSES: WEEK 1
Here for the right reasons.
HUMORENTERTAINMENT
Ryan Leatham
1/23/20241 min read
Season 28 of the Bachelor is under way and Joey is looking forward to his big match. The Bachelor is back like baggy jeans but unlike a lot of 28 year olds is (mostly) not looking to reinvent itself. Alright, granted, sisters and one-on-one steals were not on my bingo card. But otherwise the hits were played and isn’t that what we love about this show?
We got our villain, our queens, and a basic ass Bachelor in Joey. Remember the Titans? Not your strong side brother. Despite being a bit of an NPC- Joey does seem like a decent, active guy. We’re in good hands.
Let’s meet the girls.
Kelsey A - A (voodoo) doll.
Kelsey T - Homecoming queen energy but also hometown energy.
Daisy - Hear to win.
Maria - Scary but sweet.
Lexi - Potential climber, we need more personality.
Madina - Hotter than a Stanley cup.
Erika - She wants to dance with somebody, spoiler it’s Joey.
Rachel - Sweet but scary.
Jenn - Good first lap.
Lea - Who died and made Lea the chosen one? Did I miss something?
Autumn - Joey is not falling in love.
Katelyn - Chemistry? Do people understand the definitions of these words?
Allison - Little sister.
Lauren - Big sister.
Taylor - Icier than the Stanley Cup.
Jess - In her villain era.
Sydney - Someone you went to high school with and hope not to run into at holidays.
Edwina - Good vibes, but no juice.
Chrissa - Yes year, but no chance.
Starr - Ironically nondescript.
Marlena - Her bio says, “When Marlena golfs, she ALWAYS drives the golf cart.”
Evalin - Delaying the inevitable.
Will you accept this rose?
For the next few months this is my Roman Empire. We’re in for a long journey together. Each week we will recap the action, rank the competition and predict future rose ceremonies. I’m shooting for 90% rose prediction accuracy on the season. If you are here for the right reasons I hope you will enjoy it, spoiler free.