Every Movie I Watched In 2024—Ranked
I don’t know what got into me this year, but I was a movie-goer. I might have assigned seats at three different theaters atp. Here’s everything I saw—ranked from good sh*t to dog sh*t.
10/10
Dune 2
I thought about Austin Butler for days after this. On my worst behavior. Here’s a fan edit that someone… (who is not me) made. 1000% imagining myself as Lady Margot.
Outside of my lust, great message! I love the spirituality of Dune in general, so obviously my #1.
Challengers
Now, this… THIS was cinema. Toxic sh*t, now that’s what I’m talkin’ about! Zendaya being a heartless wench to two losers: a yearning red-head and a medium-ugly aszhole.
The chemistry was simply off the charts. My clothes were about to be, too.
Blink Twice
Now, we both know I went to see this for Channing Tatum. Him and Zoë? Hottest almost married people alive.
I don’t expect much from nepo-babies, but Zoë snapped. The cinematography was stunning. The storyline, the mess, the maid!!!
Y’all know I’m a h*e for symbolism—Miss Ma’am had me thinking about the Diddy trials the whole movie. So tea.
I don’t want to spoil too much— you need to see this. Insane.
*TW: sexual assault
I Could’a Stayed Home
A Quiet Place: Day One
Why is no one talking about this? I love A Quiet Place movies. Lupita delivered (as always). The bug-eyed guy did his one-two as well. Even the cat ate down. It was just sooooo long.
Twisters
Woo, buddy! Clap it up, clap it up, clap it up! Give Glen Powell his things. And that 5’8 latino man (who I knoow wouldn’t play about me.) It was rainin’ just about the whole movie; I even got a little wet myself. I do have to say that movie was not good LMAO.
Like I’d watch at home, but only if I watched everything else on Peacock first.
It Ends With Us
I knew this wasn’t gon’ be sh*t the second I saw Blake Lively’s try-hard grin posing on the red carpet. Wench. I can’t stand her asz. But I read the book and had to see it through.
Visually, the flower shop and Ryle’s sister were spot on. But, like… where was the sex? They were fawkin’ in that book.
The story is obviously good—it’s a best-selling novel. I think if I saw it on Prime first, I would’ve loved, but because I had to give something I love (money) to someone I don’t (Blake) who subsequently got worse after the premiere... I can’t promote this.
WTF Was That?
Trap
Josh Hartnett’s still hot, but… what was that? I get in theory that this would be a good movie— serial killer dad takes daughter to pop concert and has to figure out how to not get arrested.
Plot twists just felt like a room of 40-year old cornballs telling each other “exactly.”
And the ending was just so left-field, it made me anxious, I can’t.
The Watchers
I hate movies where the whole plot could have been avoided. The Love Island scenes made me smile, but nothing else did.
Bikeriders
Hell no.
Babygirl
To everyone who told me to go see this: you will be dealt with.
I went in blind, no trailer, no nothing. People were in there with their families. People walked out. I was blushing.
I thought I was seeing a dominatrix movie. I mean, it’s Nicole Kidman! But NO! Guys, I didn’t like it at all. Not here to yuck anyone’s yum, but degradation is just not my kink.
I felt like the whole movie was a middle-aged woman’s cry for help for her husband to match her freak. She tried to tell him, but she also didn’t?
Losing it all over some milk from a boy with patchwork tattoos. Could never be me.
This scene was 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 tho.
What I Didn’t Watch (and Why)
You might be wondering: Where’s Nosferatu, Wicked, Moana 2?
I don’t do scary.
I don’t do musicals.
By the grace of God, I’m childless.
That said, I finally got MoviePass and will be in the theater monthly in 2025. First up? One of Them Days.